Battle

My thoughts are tangled
In my heart I am confused
Its hard to breathe like being strangled
My soul feels beaten and abused

This is because of my choice
To live my life my way
Rarely listening to that inner voice
The one that talks to me when I pray

I want what feels good
This is what my flesh desires
It must be that I have misunderstood
What indeed following Christ requires

I have been asked to find my Holy Must
The reason for why Christ created me
It will take relying on my faith and trust
While intimately praying on bended knee

I no longer want to surrender
To the lies that are whispered in my ear
I want Jesus and all of His splendor
This heaviness I know he will make disappear

It was by the Blood of the Lamb
One’s whose life was not his own
That he chose me to be the Godly man I am
Giving me a place on His heavenly throne

Confused!

Well I am still on the softening of the heart thing.  This is not easy at all.  The attacks are relentless and worst of all subtle.  I can just be sitting and relaxing and the thoughts of how I have failed in my life just come crashing in like a tsunami.  It makes me think about my past and hate that I experienced certain things that have me wired this way.  I could so easily just live life like so many others and go with the flow.  However, I can’t and because of that and my impatience my heart feels heavy.  Now, I do have some examples in my life of what an awesome friend is and what a Christ centered marriage should look like, but those thoughts are not the ones that dominate my thinking.  My biggest problem is trying to see whats ahead, instead of just looking down at my next step.  This life is so much a moment to moment journey that to look forward like I do causes me to miss out on many cool Christ planned opportunities.  I know God knows me and I know He has a plan in place for me and I know its to bless me and protect me, but man when you are impatient that waiting on God’s timing seems eternal.  I believe that my main struggle is a trust issue with Jesus, I want to wholeheartedly trust him with all I am but, and there seems to always be a but, I can’t.  Don’t get me wrong I believe I am in a good place with God, it is just that He is no longer healing me in silence.  He has decided to heal me in a way where I recognize that I cannot do this alone.  He is taking me through my pains and failures, my desires and missed out opportunities, in order to mold me into the man, husband and father He has created me to be.  Thank you for allowing me to express myself and I ask for your prayers as I continue to crawl through this journey. SELAH!

The beauty of life

This has been a crazy week.  Its been a time of parents celebrating their baby’s birthday and a time for grieving for friends who have lost family members.  The circle of life is so amazingly beautiful as you see Gods hand in the creation of a beautiful baby and His influence in the crown of life that those who have gone home have left behind.  It is in these ups and downs of life that we truly live and it is awesome to know a God like our God takes the time to notice His one and only, His Beloved… Selah!