Remembering Her Last Laugh
I have been avoiding Mother’s Day pretty well these past few days. I really hadn’t even thought much about it until one of my students said something about it earlier this week. Then I found myself on my way home one day thinking about the last time I saw her laugh. I tried so hard to remember her last laugh, you know the times when its completely uncontrollable and awesome. I just wanted to remember it so badly and I couldn’t. I just started to think about her last few months and how unhappy she was with life. I remember how much of a burden she felt she had become. My heart started to swell with emotion and the Holy Spirit came to the rescue. He let me know that her last laugh was not important and that’s why I couldn’t remember it, because it wasn’t one moment worth remembering, it was all of the happy moments. It was remembering how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. Regardless of my choices or things I would say sometimes, she loved me unconditionally. This is my first Mothers Day since she has been home with Jesus that I have allowed my heart to be soft. I have not felt very much these past 3 years because I was grieving, hurting, angry, bitter and everything else that hardens your heart. My heart is something I have built a wall of stone around, but God has come in and begun reconstruction of it. My focus,whenever I think about my mom is how awesome she was. I know that there are a lot of awesome moms out there, but for me she was the best. Her heart was amazing and much like her I have been designed to feel people’s burdens and help them carry it. She was so genuine in her feelings for people and it was so proven on the night we had her celebration of life. It wasn’t until well after that night that friends of mine told me there had to be well over 400 people there for her. There were people stuck in the parking lot, hanging out, because inside was to crowded. I have always seen her at her best and how people just loved her for who she was. Her crown of life, which is all of the people she had an impact in their life, was so amazingly big. I have prayed that I would choose to follow Christ and allow my crown of life to resemble hers. We are designed to be intimate with one another and with Jesus. So, my search for her last laugh lost its significance because Jesus reminded me of what was important to remember. That my mom loved me in a way that only a mother could, however I need to extend that type of love to my friends and family. In remembering her this mother’s day, I know that I can no longer be lazy and stubborn in following Christ. I have learned that my discernment is in how people feel and I cannot allow myself to live my life based on a feeling. My actions need to resemble the walk I have chosen to live. The picture you see here is just a glimpse of how awesome my mom was and is in Heaven. Happy, Loving,Funny, Giving, Sacrificial, Forgiving and most importantly God’s Beloved; His One and Only. Thank you Papa, for softening my heart and allowing me to feel free for the first time since she went to be with you. I choose Papa to accept not only the Love that my mom had for me, but the LOVE you have for me. P.S. Jesus, Can you tell her Hi for me and Happy Mother’s Day
