It seems like I am always looking for whats next and how things are going to work out my way.  I make all these plans and set them in my mind as a way that God can help me move.  When I really stop to realize that since I just started living for him, I haven’t had to plan anything.  He provides the opportunities to me.  I just have to have my eyes, heart and ears open to how he speaks to me.  If I continue to want to control my own life I will continue to crash and burn.  Crashing and burning feels horrible and then usually since you hate how that feels you go to medicating yourself within your sinful nature instead of relying on Christ and the Holy Spirit.  I want to be happy and joyful in Jesus everyday regardless of my situation.  I am learning it slowly and thankfully Jesus grades on a huge curve.  My happiness is rooted in Jesus and that is where my Joy will come from.  The joy of knowing he loves me and my loved ones.  The joy of knowing His thoughts are consumed with me on his mind and in his heart.  I want to learn to be happy in knowing that he is always healing me and thinking about me and mending my broken heart.  The past few days have been a little rough because I have been relying on myself and trying to make myself happy or medicated if you will.  I think a lot of times I try and block feelings during this time of year but I mainly believe these are attacks since God is deciding to do so much with me in my life.  The opportunities to share about who he is to me are coming left and right and when I stop thinking about others and only about me, my Joy (happiness) leaves.  This is new to me because my flesh and sinful nature have become so used to being fed a certain way for so many years.  However, all things are possible in Christ and I am praying and asking that I would trust that so that he can continue to shine through me.  So, my friends learn to be happy and let God be the reason for your happiness.  If you surrender to him and put him first, you will love others ( your friends and family) better than you could ever imagine or definitely do on your own… Amen!