Archive for May, 2012

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May 24

Rest and Solitude

I have always wondered what it must have been like to rest in Jesus’ arms. I imagine the disciples as they were able to hang out with him and hug him and just feel the warmth that he gave. Then as I studied on rest and solitude I realized we have the same opportunity that they do. Of course he is not in flesh, but when we create an opportunity for him to come and meet us in solitude, that is where we get the chance to rest in the Lord. I had a chance to share my story of when I was able to do this best with God, it just so happens my story is not a happy one. I was able to find rest in the Lord when my mom passed. I guess up until that point I always handled my struggles and pains the way I wanted to. However, my ways were not strong enough to deal with the heaviness of losing her. As I grew in Christ I also wanted to run back to what I knew, but then it would be in those times of solitude that God would come to me. I was heavily burdened by the loss of her and wasn’t able to reach up to God anymore, so being the AWESOME God he is, he came to me. I can remember the feeling of his embrace, just letting me know how much he loved me, How much he loved her and that he would be with me through it moment by moment. What God has really placed on my heart is the same effort that I put into my friendships and the same effort that I am going to put into pursuing my wife, is the same effort, in not more that he wants me to pursue him. When I am able to set time alone, I am really not alone, He is with me but more importantly he wants to sit and chat with me. We have a Savior that knows us and wants to be apart of our life in all we do. The more we draw near to him, the more strength we gain in dealing with everyday situations. What I am mostly reminded of by Christ was when he was in the desert and he was alone, the truth is, He wasn’t. He had the Holy Spirit and his Father with him. In that time alone he was able to persevere through the temptations of Satan and by the end of the third temptation, he was able to say away from me and Satan had to leave. Life is tough my friends and we all need to rest, what better place to rest than with the Lord. AMEN!

May 22

4 years

Tomorrow on May 23rd at 8:55pm will be 4 years since my Mom went home to be with Jesus. The last 4 years of my life have seemed so dull without her. I mean I have done a lot of cool things and even within this last year, God has used me so much, but she is still missing. I regret not doing the things I am doing for God now when she was alive. I wish she could have seen me speak and I would have loved to feel her hugs and kisses when I got home. I know that she was proud of me, but I oh so want back the last year with her. I want to love on her more and hug her and not let her go. I know life is tough and we lose our loved ones for only a moment because we will be with them again in Heaven, but it is so terribly hard not hearing her laugh or how she would call my name and even how she would cuss. She was so funny and genuine and no matter who met her, they would instantly fall for her. She was definitely a one of a kind and Jesus must be having so much fun with her now in Heaven. I can imagine he was waiting for her to come home just knowing how funny and awesome she was. I keep praying that my life would be as fruitful as hers and I would learn to love they way she did. You know we all have faults and because of what Christ did they are all paid for. My plea to you all is stop being foolish with those you love or who are apart of your life, Life is but a vapor and then we are gone. Holding on to bitterness or nothingness is simply FOOLISHNESS. My mom played a huge part in the man that I have become and I want to be the man she would expect me to be. I have lived in fear most of my life of commitment and of thinking I was worthless and not good enough to be a husband or father because I would believe the lies. I know that my mom raised me right and prayed for me daily and I know that God has people in my life now who truly love me for who I am and they do not care about my past or the secrets I once kept. It is because of that I am able to be joyful, knowing that God is so real and Heaven is waiting. So Until I see you in Heaven Mom, know that I love you and think about you daily and know that I will continue to be the man you have wanted to see me become. I do pray that Jesus will let you look down on my wedding day and on the day of my children born. 4 years seems like 4 days to me, it doesn’t seem so long ago, but life keeps moving and I have learned to enjoy life and avoid darkness, even the kind that people throw at you. We are not guaranteed our next breath, with that I say Thank you Lord for the 32 years you gave me with my Mom and I will be looking forward to spending eternity with you and her, but until then help me to live out John 10:10, which is remembering the thief comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy, but that You have come so that we may live life abundantly. Please keep using me for your will Lord and I pray that my crown of life would be half the size of the crown my Mom left behind. Thank you for shining through me now and for allowing my Mom to shine your light on me through her in my life. AMEN!

May 12

Mom, Mommy, Ma, Momma!!

It doesn’t matter what name you used to call her, the fact was she was my foundation. Her love was filled with tenderness and discipline, when I was wrong she would let me know, but when I was right she had my back no matter what. She taught me to say what I feel and let people know where they stand with you. Her passion and fire was unmatched and her kindness hard to avoid. My mom would cuss you out in one minute and telling how much she loved you in the next. I always called her mommy and it went from a kid like mommy to an adult deeper voiced mommy trying to sound cool, LOL.. She did everything for me and always wanted the best for me, she told everyone how proud she was of me and to this day almost 4 years later I still get to hear those words. I strive in my life to be the best and fight and struggle through my burdens, but Ultimately I know she would be proud of the man I am today. I regret that he never got to hear me preach, or that she will not see me get married or have children and that pain hurts, but mostly the pain is missing her. I miss her laugh, her smile and without a doubt her touch. She could make me feel warm in my darkest and coldest times. I still remember the feeling of her holding my hand and how safe that made me feel. I love that God gave me her heart and her fight and I pray everyday that I would use it more and more. I know she is no longer suffering and that she is with Christ, but the pain that I hold onto is the love that I lost here on Earth and I will hold onto it, but I will let it be the fire to keep me living this life the way God intended me to, Abundantly. We all have a woman in our life that we can give any of these names above too, that woman that calls you out on your bull crap, the one who tells you you cant quit, the one who if you tried to quit would “help” you understand why you won’t quit, that woman who gives you wisdom when dealing with ladies, that woman who holds you when you need to cry, not because your soft, but because she is the refuge you know will be there. We all have a woman in our life and we all believe that our mommy is the best of them all. The funny thing is that statement is true for all of us, That woman we call Mom, Mommy, Ma, Momma is without a doubt the best of them all for us! Mothers Day can be a happy and sad day, but it is a day that happens everyday for me! For all of my friends who have a Mom, don’t miss out and take for granted this life… It is moment by moment and can be gone in an instant. My prayer and my gratitude goes out to all the Moms, Single Moms, and All the women who play the most important role in a man or woman’s life, MOTHER! Happy Mothers Day!! Amen!

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Archive for May, 2012

Rest and Solitude

4 years

Mom, Mommy, Ma, Momma!!

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Devoetry

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