I am not even going to make it to May 23rd, which will be 5 years since my mom went home to be with the Lord. May is such a rough month for me, even though it is my birthday.  There is Mother’s Day, Then my Birthday and then the day she went home.  When I was young I never really liked my birthday to be a big deal and I wonder if my soul knew what was going to be in store for me.  I know loss is part of living this life, but I am praying desperately that my Hope in Heaven is for real.  Don’t get me wrong I am not questioning my faith, but it was a lot easier to just believe in even when no one really close to me was there.  Now, with my mommy up there, I can’t wait to see her again.  I miss her laugh and the way she loved me.  Yes she spoiled me and I know this and her love for me and my sister is amazing.  What I love about moms is most everyone’s mom is the best in the World, the cool part about my mom was she was a mom to more than just me and my sister.  I sit here looking at her picture and my heart rises to my throat. I miss her calls to come for dinner and hearing her say I love you, the only way she could.  I have a recording of a voicemail she sent me a few weeks before she passed, it sits there but I cant listen to it, it is hard enough to see her pictures.  I know we have an awesome and amazing God and I am so thankful that he guides me through life.  I know he is a Big God and can do the impossible, what I once feared that my mom would not be at my wedding, has turned to peace knowing that Jesus can let her see it from Heaven and though I won’t get to dance with her, I will get to dance with my sister.  It feels like yesterday as I watched her slowly start reaching for home and my heart breaks because I wanted to say I LOVE YOU so many more times and for her to hold my hand with that gentle squeeze that always brought me comfort, I hate that I grew up and didn’t hug her more and kiss her more and let her embarrass me more!!  I know that she was proud of me and that she loved me, I know her love that she has for me and my sister is the closest that either of us will get to Jesus’ love until we get to Heaven. Cherish the ones you love, DO NOT LET LIFE GET IN THE WAY OF I LOVE YOU’S and HUGS AND KISSES!!  I can still hear her laugh and that Laughter makes my Soul Smile.  I love you Mom and miss you with all of who I am and more, Your Baby Anthony!