Thankful for

I hope all is well, I know I have been silent since July and I can  tell you I have been in a battle a spiritual battle, I have been in a spiritual depression.  I have known this for a while and at first attempted to fight this with pride.  It did not work like we all know it doesn’t.  I havent wanted to let myself or anyone know that I have been defeated for a while.  As cliche as it is, sometimes it takes a holiday such as this one, Thankgiving.  What am I thankful for?  you know when you are depressed you just think about yourself and lose touch with God and all that he has placed in your life.  This is where I have been.  The past year has been extremely draining for me.  I did not realize the toll that my prayer life and living for God was doing to me, I became burnt out without even knowing I was burnt out.  I did not help myself by allowing sin to win over and over again.  Feeling helpless, it is as if I was just waiting for this moment to make a comeback if you will.  I need Jesus, I know I have him, but I need him if that makes sense.  As life moves on, it seems that at times it is leaving me behind but the truth is I am leaving myself behind.  I continue to sabotage my walk.  I really believe that my sin is under control, when the truth is I have no control.  I have a choice, Jesus or Evil.  I have been choosing evil for a while, its been a battle but my Lusts, Feelings and Wants have won those battles.  I really let myself get to a place where I see people in love with Jesus and I say I remember that! I get scared at that point because it “feels” like I cant get back there.  I know this is alot, but I have been gone for a while, but I just want to start my rededication with what I am thankful for in my life and then give Jesus the wheel.

What I am Thankful For:
Jesus’ protection over me ( I have been in dangerous places)
My Family ( The reconciliation)
My Friends ( The many Jesus has placed in my life that truly love me)
My opportunities ( allowing me to do what I love)
My health ( keeping me healthly even though I shouldn’t be)
My Future Wife/ Best Friend ( knowing she is out there and praying that I believe I deserve her)
My Future Children ( knowing that Jesus designed me to be a Father)
My Walk ( realizing, like Solomon, only God can fill the void)
My Addiction ( allowing me to know that I am broken and can’t fix it alone)
My Laugh ( learning to enjoy laughing and those around me)
My Heart ( allowing me to know I care for others and want to help)
My intergity ( knowing I have messed up and had wrong intentions and admitting that to myself)