Starving the Monster ( Our Sinful Nature)

I could not control all of my emotions.  They were flying around at a million miles per hour.  I would shift from happy to sad to heavy to at peace.  All the while I had this pressure on my chest like I couldn’t take a deep breathe.  I prayed and prayed and listened to worship music.  I sang and prayed some more and it would not leave.  Now I am quick to medicate this feeling in my past and knowing now the wisdom I have gained from this, when I sin now, I CHOOSE IT!  WOW… This was huge for me to accept but in the same moment I realized how big and true the cross really is.  The feeling I had wasn’t the nervousness of new life or new relationships, It was the monster being starved and I hadn’t even given it a crumb in the last few weeks.  That feeling was overwhelming but I knew God could help me through it but it was tough.  I have come to realize in chasing after Christ, there is a price to pay and that is losing control of the thought that we have control.

I performed my second Funeral the other day and it was for a baby.  The only other one I had done before was for my mother.  This was heartbreaking and humbling because God still chose me even though I had been a prodigal son once again.  I run and run far when I need to and now I want to come back.  He threw me right into the fire, but as always he was there with me.  In speaking again I realized this is what he wants me to do.  He wants me to reach out to others and to share the gospel as it is supposed to be given.  Now with that being known the Devil has turned up the heat and I would say the reason for any fall on my part is forgetting when I fall make sure it is on my knees asking for help and NOT on your face as if you are ashamed and hiding from God.  We cannot hide and ultimately when we begin to feed the Lion of Judah our strength comes from a infinite power source of Love, Mercy, Grace and Peace.  It is with this conviction and the repentance of my sins that I choose to follow whatever door may open in the near future.  In your lives, my friends, starve the Monster and Feed the Lion! Amen!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

As I draw closer to the Lord

This is not the first time I have sought after God to help fulfill the emptiness of my life.  However, this is the first time wisdom is being used in the process.  I am starting to realize I have learned so much in my choices that now, as I chase after God, I can truly surrender my thoughts to him.  I do not know for you but I am my biggest obstacle.  When I would deal with life my first reaction to any type of feeling would be to run and hide and numb it quickly.  I did not even want a thought that there could be a chance I could get hurt.  REALLY!!  What type of life have I lived til now if I never truly just let go and trusted God.  You see as I have started to allow God to be the lead in my life I have found more and more strength in my relationships.  I am just being myself and knowing that the CROSS paid for all my past, present and future sins I can live and love knowing that Jesus truly loves me.  Though I have known Christ for many many years and I have served him, I think in my experience this may be the first time I am grabbing a hold of the truth of his love for me.  There is always the choice to turn away and do it on your own and that has left me numb and with a callused heart in the past.

However, NOW and today I can feel the tenderness of my heart again and I can feel the joy of the Lord and hold onto the fact that he is my refuge and fortress.  I can sit with him and enjoy the feast even as my enemy stands across from me for battle.  My battle and War have been won, I am Victorious and now I must live as if I am Victorious.  Following after Christ is a life style change and not just a diet.  Anyone who has battled weight problems knows the difference.  We have all dieted and 100% of the time the weight comes back and then some.  It isn’t until we make a lifestyle change that the weight comes off and stays off.  This is so much a good example for me in being with Jesus.  My past have I have dieted on his word, used it when I needed it or felt like I was close but man, sin was always so appetizing that my one cheat day would be two, three then the diet was over and I was broken.  Now, that my lifestyle change is happening I eat of his word and praise every morning and pray without ceasing in every situation.  I do not feel the urge to sin, it is present, but the destruction it causes is not worth the risk.  I LOVE THAT JESUS LOVES ME!  I want to be excited about our time together and I want to feel with Christ like I do with my best and close friends and ultimately one day my best of best friends in my wife! Amen!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

He Lives and He Answers!

I have been a follower of Jesus for a long time of my life.  I have been through the ups and downs of life and have battled so many of the questions that we all ask ourselves.  The amazing thing about God is he is always there and ready to answer.  The answer isn’t always what we want it to be, but that is because we are trying to tell Jesus what we think is best!! LOL…  That has been my thing for so many years and I see it more clearly now as I am looking for different things in life now.  However, the change is in God’s timing and most of the time for me, that’s just too long.  I can not tell you how many times I ran away from the good God was doing because I didn’t like how it felt.  Emotions are so powerful and for me they guide my decisions.  I am a 1 to 1000 type of person and that has been hard to change, alone that is.  Recently I have been in these spiritual, emotional and relationship battles with God.  The battle is me trying to hold onto what I am comfortable with.  We will hold onto the nastiest of habits or thoughts just because they are familiar.  Well let me tell you, Jesus is ALIVE and no matter the time or place or how many times, He is there for me and for YOU!!  As I rest in his embrace, I am starting to remember again my life is not about me, but about those he places in my life.  This life is meant to be lived to Glorify JESUS!  I will surrender all of who I am to the one and the only true King, My King, My Savior!!  I repent of all my sin, selfishness and anger to Him who paid for it all on cross for me! AMEN!

One Love, One King, All Christ!!