When I get up and show up, God always does something good.  I went to a new bible study last night and had a chance to share with some new people.  As we sat around each of us shared about something going on in our life.  One of the young men shared about being able to help everyone and care about everyone, but when it came to himself, he didnt care.  I sat and listened to him and I heard my story and my struggle for so many years.  I could never accept God’s love for me and it caused me to have no drive and no care.  I wouldn’t mind to give my all to help a friend in need.  When I was around people they laughed and we had a good time.  It was as if people were drawn to me.  I didn’t care I just wanted to be alone and not deal with anyone.  I never had suicidal thoughts or anything like that, I just didn’t care nor did I think I was worth the time.  Then I was told my love for others and my service was done in vain, because of this very commandment,

‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31

The question asked to me was how can you love someone else if you cannot love your self and you say you are a Christian, a believer in Jesus Christ.  I didn’t have an answer and it stumped me, but I continued to stay home more than socialize.  It was in my aloneness that I thought I could hide from my darkness, but in truth, alone covered me in that darkness.

Then last night I am listening to this young man speak and it was like looking into a mirror.  My heart tightened up as he spoke because God spoke and said listen, he needs me and it will be through you, Anthony!  I heard it, I heard him speak to me and I asked if I could share.  When I explained to him that his story was my story there was a look of relief on his face and of concern.  It is hard to hear that God LOVES YOU, YES YOU and accepting that when you never have held yourself in his arms.  Every whisper becomes a scream of how unworthy you are to even think God could love you.  That lie seems so true and as it digs into your feelings you become your own worse enemy.  We had a chance to talk more after and it was awesome.  God is so amazing and as I still fight this battle moment by moment, he will do things like this.  A reminder of How Much He Loves All Of Us, but especially how much Jesus Loves Me!  Even in my reconstruction, Jesus is my strong divine foundation, that never gives!! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!