Boldness to be myself!

You learn as a Christ follower it is very hard to hear His voice even in silence.  We have so many masks that we wear to fit certain situations.  A lot of times we become so intermeshed with all our masks that we lose who we really are.  We must be bold in making the decision to be our self.  In that decision we will learn that everyone doesn’t fit in to our molds.  We will not be able to satisfy everyone’s expectations of what they believe your role in their life is.  That is not the purpose of living.  Yes, we are designed to serve and help but, in that humbleness, we must be our self.  I have recently found it is much easier just to be Anthony than it is to be the Anthony I think this person wants or that person wants.

In this transition, there is a lot of turmoil and most of it is going on in your own head.  I speak of the battle in the mind a lot, but I want you to understand that I know the war, the ENDGAME if you will, is already done.  I have found myself lost so many times in a world that will feed you anything you need to keep you from being yourself.  I have learned that I have a lot of worth and it is what God has designed me to be, a Man of God.  He knows our struggles and the mistakes we will make along the way, but much like the “thug” that comes out for a sport and starts to choose the sport over the “thug” life because someone walks with him through that valley.  This is what God will do for us.  He is walking with us and He is protecting us, even when we think the World is against us.  Oh, if we only knew what the World against could really look like without God! SCARY!! No Thanks!! I will keep believing!!

So why does it take the Boldness of a lion to be our self.  I know for me I have always thought very low of myself, I have missed the mark of my worth from a very young age.  Words that were said to me as a child stuck with me and the adult, like in most cases, has no idea the hurt and damage that can cause.  I know because I have been that adult in the coaching world and said things I thought were truthful but, in the end, they were very hurtful, and I could have chosen a better way.  I have forgiven the wrongs done to me as a child, however those scars are reminders and sometimes like, PTSD, those scars take me back spiritually to that broken frightened child.  Therein lies the reason for the boldness, we must push through that pain and fear and let people really see who we are, and guess what?  When they do it’s special.  They are not seeing some mask you have designed specifically for them or the situation, they see you.

I am thankful that I have come to this at an early age and now can live my life being me.  Now the lies and whispers and confusing thoughts of the devil and my flesh will still be alive and well, but I know God’s still and silent voice, I know how to allow the Holy Spirit to come and fight for me, I JUST HAVE TO WANT IT!!!   Yesterday, I chose to be bold, it took some encouraging from people(angels) God has placed in my life, but in that step, A HUGE STEP, I was able to be myself.  I was able to see my worth and hold onto that, even today.  Jesus is everything and in Him that peace that comes in the storm is relieving, but it is much like when the headache medicine first starts to take the headache away… It is less pain, its fading but it’s there enough for you to remember why you took the medicine in the first place.  Jesus is a reminder of why we shouldn’t hurt ourselves because of our lack of self-worth, but we should be holding onto the fact that He calls us His BELOVED!!  That one step more to say we are so precious and desired by him.  Do not look for your validation from people, instead Find Your Validation in CHRIST!!!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

The Stone That Floats

The heaviness of this world is sometimes if not almost always tough to carry.  When we experience this in our life we sink to the bottom and it’s so hard to breath.  That feeling you get when you are underwater, and you so desperately need that breath.  Life will keep you in this state for as long as it can.  The more broken down and beaten we feel the less likely we are to help others because we are so focused on our own crap.

It is funny how we all know that when your throw a stone into water it will immediately sink to the bottom and that how life works for many of us.  Things happen to us, a family member or a friend and we sink.  We listen to the lies that we are worthless or not good and it keeps us holding our breath looking to find a way to the top.  We would give anything for that breath, that feeling of weight being lifted from us.  That desperation leads us all to our different vices.  We choose those things that help us forget we are drowning and sinking.  It is in this mode of desperation that Christ can prevail.

You see, my friends with Jesus it is not about magic!  It isn’t like you accept Christ and then your life because all unicorns and rainbows, no not at all.  What happens is he walks with you.  When he comes into our lives, it’s not that we don’t carry the heaviness that has molded us, he just keeps us afloat.  Yes, the stone that floats!!  Much like the pumice stone which is a real stone that does float, all our brokenness, the holes created by life allow us to fill up with Christ and we rise to the top.  Yes, we are on the surface, we can breathe, and it is now up to us to stay afloat. When you look in the picture what you do see is the shadow below the now floating stone.  There is a reminder of the past, a reminder of where we were taken from.  The fact that Christ can do all things and can watch us and protect us, is all him.  We must trust that God will help us and guide us and laugh with us all through these days.

I love being a stone that floats, it is comforting to know I do not have to do this life alone, but that Jesus will be there with me.  To guide me and keep me on the surface.  The beauty of Christ is when we decide to hold our breath to go back to drowning, He simply says here and stretches His hand out to us much like he did for Peter.  Hold on to me and you never have to let go, even in your brokenness and darkness, Christ is with us.  Choose to rise to the surface, choose to give Jesus your secrets and the lies you listen too, truly commit to trust him and see what happens!

One Love, One King All Christ!

Lonely feelings!

Good Saturday afternoon my friends. You know with all the family stuff going on in the month of May and June I struggle with loneliness like it’s the holidays. Kids are graduating, people are getting ready to go on vacation and much more. Then, here I am just sitting around wanting to do stuff but really just wanting someone to do the stuff with. It’s hard, as you have friends you want to hang out with, but it just doesn’t work out. Then I come to realize something very important and something I’m not very good at and that is knowing that God is with me!! He literally is with me every step of the way. The question I heard today was when am I going to be enough? God just wants me to give all in and not hold onto those feelings of loneliness. He knows I desire a relationship, one that will have Jesus as the foundation!! But I need to have fun and enjoy being single!! I have to avoid the the lies and whispers that come in and say I am worthless and no good and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort me, mold me and be with me during these moments.