Brought to my knees by his love

Powerlessness is true surrender to Jesus. Openly admitting I have no control, power or ability to manage my life without Him!  This sounds like weakness and guess what IT IS! Scripture says when we are weak in ourselves that is where we are STRONG in Christ.  God’s love is all powerful and like a good father he teaches, he protects and leads by example.  He looks me in the eye and tells me I am His beloved.  There is NOTHING I can do to ever change His love for me.  He shows me His scars and simply says ” For You, Anthony.”  I can tell you that HIS LOVE and accepting it has and will continue to bring me to my knees! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Revelation

I can feel God’s hand molding and moving my mind.  For the first time I am aware of being in the Potter’s hand.  It is an amazing feeling but a difficult one. I prefer the pressure and pain of this embrace than the suffocating darkness I usually ran to.  I have been more aware of God’s voice and traps being set around me.  My heart is softening and my concerns are less about me and more about others.  My bondage has kept me so tightly wrapped for over 30 years, but now to finally feel the warmth of Jesus’ light and not run from it is soothing.

Trusting God sounds so easy and many times we say it as if it was as easy as brushing off our shoulders.  However, to truly trust him means believing without seeing.  Faith is the word I am talking about and it is so out of reach for us that Jesus says we just need Faith the size of a mustard seed.  He knows our chemistry and dependencies and the freedom that is stripped from us moment by moment.  For many of these years Satan did not need to do a lot to persuade me to sin, I did most of that damage to myself.  Now that I have decided to listen I can hear and see my bondage, that I am free from now, in others.  Do I let them learn the hard way?  NO.  God has been sending people to cross my path for years.  As I choose to see my son-ship in Christ it would be criminal and selfish to let those suffer, struggle and fall to the waste side.  I know I must continue to let God mold me as he prepares me for the plans he has set for me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Say No to turning back!

For over 30 years my brain, flesh and soul have battled.  My mindset has always been a selfish one.  I have in all instances of my life expected instant gratification.  If I can’t get this now, well I know where I can get something close enough.  I know Jesus never stops pursuing and knowing he has been called the “Hound of Heaven”, He has come upon my scent again and is back in the driver seat.  My biggest obstacle is myself and my brain.  My thoughts are like wild stallions, when one bucks the entire herd will stampede and before I know it I needed to medicate it or numb it in my past.

Now, I feel God’s peace and I have surrendered to him.  I know the shackles I have been in over these many years are finally broken.  I can say, without a doubt, for the first time in my life I have stepped out of the dungeon completely.  I have always taken steps to walk out of that heaviness but because I was so familiar with what the dark had to offer, I always left a foot in the door. This was so that I could run back if things changed to quickly.  This time when I stepped all the way out and completely into God’s arms, the dungeon collapsed more like exploded.  It is gone but the pieces are still there and I must stay alert to the ease and temptation to run back and rebuild it on my own.  I know my new thoughts and feelings are good and healthy, but I DO NOT like the way this feels.  God also goes by the name of “Emmanuel” which means “God is with us”, however this doesn’t mean we can use him like a magic wand and hope all will be well and we will be healed immediately.  Most of my life I have been spoiled and expected and received instant gratification.  Now on one side, my personality has drawn people to like me and well take care of me, that hasn’t been so bad, LOL!  On the other side, it has led to much destruction and torment in my life.

In the failure to conquer the city of Ai, Joshua found it was Achan’s stolen pleasures that caused the loss. Once that was dealt with( the killing of all of Achan’s family and kinfolk) Ai was conquered.  Jesus is letting me know through all that is happening in my life now, it’s about delaying gratification and trusting and waiting on His time, not mine!  I am learning when I say now, Jesus says not yet my son and when I say later, Jesus says nope, Now my son!

My Prayer:

Papa,

Thank you and mostly lay your healing and merciful hands upon me in the renewing of my mind.  Help me to give you each of my thoughts so that you may examine them.  Papa, please strengthen the good ones and cut off and silence the impure ones.  I love you and pray that I may fall back in love with my first love which is you.

Love your Beloved,
Ant

One Love, One King, All Christ!